omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
