btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
