Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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