i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i love accidental penises.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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