***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
