Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
