I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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