Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
