Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
