4 words: hood of his car
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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