You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
