i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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