i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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