...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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