not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
