he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
