when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
BRING THE BAGELS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
