guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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