dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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