at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
