I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
