People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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