Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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