Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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