Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Congratulations! We have a period
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
