You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
