shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
