the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
