If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
