This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
