High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
