what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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