I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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