I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
