I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
