So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this just has baby written all over it
you didnt know i had herpes?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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