So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
