brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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