I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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