She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
