yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
