We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
