So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
