Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
