For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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