my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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