I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drunk is not a location!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
