He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
