I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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