Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
